


Mr. Mime becomes my new Daddy™

by Can_o_tuna_balism



Category: Pokemon
Genre: Mr. Mime is Daddy, Other, gotta catch em all, i want to fucking die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 19:24:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Can_o_tuna_balism/pseuds/Can_o_tuna_balism
Summary: This is probably the most fucked up shit I've written in a LONG time. Thank you for watching me self-destruct.





	Mr. Mime becomes my new Daddy™

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeenius_the_Dork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeenius_the_Dork/gifts).



> Obviously I don't own any of the characters. Don't sue my ass.

Delia Ketchum. Mrs. Ketchum. Mama-San. Ash’s mom. And a total MILF™.

 

I just want to start off by saying that I have no fucking clue why the creators of the English version of Pokémon named her Delia Ketchum. She sounds like a gross condiment that you’d think about putting on your hot dog at your uptight aunt’s barbecue, but then you’d think, “nahhhh, maybe I shouldn’t.” And after hours of sitting around listening to one of your uncles talk about how he’s afraid of Asian people - and has been ever since he moved to Florida - you say, “fuck it. I’m hammered off of cheap wine and bad conversation. Let’s do this.” You’d instantly regret it, though. Those five hours you spend on the toilet afterwards are no joke.

 

But yeah, Delia Ketchum, total MILF™.

 

Now, let regale you with the wondrous story of how Ash Ketchum (and Delia Ketchum) got a new Daddy™. 

  
  


* * *

 

“Ash, it’s time for dinner!”

 

“Dinner? Oh boy!” 

 

Ash, who hadn’t eaten proper food in forever - probably because his mom let him leave the house at 10 years old to go travel a fake universe (gotta catch ‘em all) - ran down the stairs and tripped over Pikachu. 

 

“Pi-Ka-CHUUUUUUUUUU,” Pikachu’s startled sneeze electrocuted Ash. Never forget the first episode when that was ALL Pikachu did. He’s the real villain of that episode. But maybe also Professor Oak, because I’m pretty sure he’s got some shifty shit going on with Ash? I don’t trust it. 

 

And speaking of shifty shit: why was Professor Oak video chatting Ash, a kid he’s NOT related to and probably doesn’t even know THAT well, when he COULD be video chatting his grandchild??!! Like yes, Gary is a piece of shit who has an oddly big fan club, but also, he could have used some guidance?? And Professor Oak is like “welp, he’s a lost cause. **Time to creep on a 10 year old I have no relation to**."

But for now, Professor Oak must be put out of our minds. He’s fucked up, but we’re here for something even more fucked up. Beastiality. 

Are the pokemon considered animals? Maybe? What about the vaguely humanoid ones? For the purpose of this fanfic they’re BEASTS. 

“BEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSTTTTTTSSSSS,” you scream into the void. The void does not scream back. It’s done with people screaming into its vast hole. 

 

Yes, even the vaguely humanoid pokemon are beasts. Change my mind. 

 

And Delia Ketchum is with the biggest beast of them all. 

 

“Ash, stop fooling around with your pokemon and set the table.”

 

“Okay, mom!” Ash grabbed the cutlery and started setting the table for two. 

 

“No, Ash. We’re going to need three spots.” 

 

“Really?” For a second Ash felt his heart swell. “Is dad coming back?” 

 

“No, Ash, but someone special IS joining us for dinner,” Delia smiled sweetly to herself. 

 

“Who? Is it someone I know?”

 

“Well, let’s just say that he’s been hanging around for a while now. But I’m excited for you to finally get to know him.”

  
_ Huh, that’s weird. My mom doesn’t have that many friends, unless you count Professor Oak, but I already know him,  _ Ash thought.

 

Just as Ash was setting the last place at the table, there was a knock at the door. 

 

“Ash, would you - “ 

 

“Yeah, I got it mom!” 

 

Rushing over to the door, Ash pulled it open to reveal a Mr. Mime. And not just any Mr. Mime, either, but the one that was constantly hanging out with his mom. 

 

“What are you doing here? My mom is expecting someone for dinner and she didn’t say she wanted this to be dinner theatre,” Ash said, eyeing the Mr. Mime up and down. 

 

The Mr. Mime shrugged it’s FIT DELTOIDS at Ash and extended the flowers it was holding in its hand. Even under the green and yellow shirt the Mr. Mime was wearing, Ash could tell that it was ripped. Probably - and this thought would only cross his mind later - from going down on some grade A pussy.

 

“Is that our guest?” Ash’s mom’s voice called from the kitchen. 

 

“No, mom. It’s just that Mr. Mime again.”

 

A pause. 

 

“Ash, that’s our guest. Let him in.”

 

“You can’t be serious….” But it was already too late. The Mr. Mime pushed past Ash into the house, forever changing Ash’s world. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Awwwww, how sweet! You brought me flowers!” Delia Ketchum leaned down to plant a kiss on the Mr. Mime’s face. 

“Asldkjflajsldfj” Mr. Mime said in response (I’m playing by Game Rules here, pals. The keysmash is his battle cry - and the only effective way to communicate the sheer emotion that this character is feeling). 

“Well, why don’t we get down to dinner? I made everything lactose free because I know you’re lactose intolerant,” Delia punctuated this by booping Mr. Mime cutely on the nose. 

_ Wow, Mr. Mime and my mom sure are close,  _ Ash thought suspiciously as he helped his mom bring the food to the table. He didn’t fail to notice that Mr. Mime pulled his mom’s chair out for her. 

“So, remind me again how you two know each other?” Ash asked his mom. 

“Don’t you remember, Ash? You were there. This Mr. Mime and I teamed up to help stop Team Rocket from stealing the pokemon in Stella’s circus!” (God, I hate that i actually looked up Pokemon lore in order to make this fanfiction ‘legit’) 

“Okay, but what’s he doing here? That was a long time ago.”

“Well… Ash, when a woman loves a Mr. Mime - “ 

“Wait, what?!”

  
“AWELKJASDF” Mr. Mime screamed.  _ Don’t Interrupt Your Mother! _

 

“Thank you, honey.” Delia put her hand on Mr. Mime’s. “Oh, that’s right. When a woman loves a Mr. Mime, Ash, and especially when that Mr. Mime is as good in the sack as this one, you chain that Mr. Mime down and never let it go. Not even to its own mother’s funeral. You hear me?”

“asdfljWEERRSSLKJSAasdflj” Mr. Mime said, giving Delia bedroom eyes. 

“HONEY! Not in front of ASH!”

The Mr. Mime made some lewd gesture involving a hole it had made in one of the bread rolls. 

Delia swatted at him playfully, saying, “OOH, you’re BAD.”

With every second, Ash could feel himself becoming more and more confused. 

“What do you mean by ‘good in the sack’? Is that a term for when you go pokemon hunting, but you don’t have enough pokemon balls so you try using a sack instead?”

The Mr. Mime jumped on the table and started groggily hip thrusting and smacking its own ass. 

“ASDLFLKWELALWLDASFKDJLFDJS”

 

“Honey, maybe it would make sense if I showed you a photo album?”

“I’m not sure how that would help me in understanding hunting pokemon with a sack, but sure. Are there any photos of dad in there?”

“Oh honey….”

 

* * *

_**"Love Is Like a Thousand Mimes Butt Fucking You Into Oblivion. You Are My One And Always <3 Delia" **_~ The inside of the Photo Album read.

 

Below are the photos that met Ash's eyes:

 

 

* * *

“Mom… why are none of these photos of you and dad?”

 

“Because Ash… well… because they’re of me and your NEW daddy.”

 

“But… these are all just photos of… of…” 

 

“It’s okay… you can say it.”

 

“But he’s… He’s a POKEMON.”

 

“No, Ash. He’s Daddy™.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
